I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
