dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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