yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
