i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
