i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
