remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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