Screwed.edu
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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