My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
should my penis look like a turkey
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
