just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
