i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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