last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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