he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize