My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
