NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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