My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
not ubering you a puppy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
