we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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