How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize