u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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