well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
