summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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