You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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