i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
