Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
