I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
this is an emotional support booty call
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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