What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
