What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
