Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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