just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
