Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
