I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
