you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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