Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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