he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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