Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
