fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
