just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
