eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
