And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
