okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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