I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
