You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
