And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
