tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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