absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i love accidental penises.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
