who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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