I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's the barista slut.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize