I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
