porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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