I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
