i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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