we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
