Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
