I wish I could teleport
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
