I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
