yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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