I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize