i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she looked like the before picture.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
