so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
