Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
