Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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