we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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