you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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