there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
