That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How does one acquire holy water?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
