So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
